Petra Joy - Weblog
A unique insight into the day-to-day life of Petra Joy as she chronicles the fun, frolics and frustrations of an independant female porn producer.
If you have any comments on any of these articles, please feel free to e-mail Petra!
Headlines from Amsterdam
Posted: 18 August 2008
I have just returned form the most exciting weekend in Amsterdam. I had been invited by the team of "Mail and Female", an excellent female-run sex shop to do a presentation on how to make your own creative porn. The workshop was for ‘women only’ and was fully booked within a few days. 45 women came to be inspired and empowered and I am glad to be able to pass on my knowledge as a film-maker as well as my personal experience as a female director in a still hugely male-dominated industry. There are tips and insights you don’t learn at film school and I gladly support other women who are just setting out to produce their vision of female erotica. Only when 50% of (adult) films are made by women we will head towards a more balanced representation of male and female desires. We have a long way to go yet.
I want to thank the team from “Mail and Female” for inviting me and all the women who came and shared their thoughts and ideas. I hope that some exciting short films will be created as a result of my workshop and the aspiring director’s creativity.
There was a massive media frenzy that surrounded my visit. I cannot remember how many interviews I gave exactly but it was a real buzz to go to the newsagent on Monday and pick up the newspapers. The lovely team from “Mail and Female” and I were featured on the front page and in a huge full colour spread in two leading newspapers. We were also featured on various TV channels. It is great that the message that many women do like explicit erotic films is finally heard and seen.
What surprises me about the press is that they tend to portray all female pornographers as the same. But the truth is that even though some of us share a similar vision or visual style, we are all completely different and unique.: There are female directors out there who break the porn rules and focus on female pleasure and find new ways to show orgasms. Others produce porn that follows the mainstream rules - including the obligatory money shot at the end of every scene.
It is almost as if the media tries to keep us in check by putting us in a box labelled “female pornographers” and we are supposed to all like and do the same things. But in reality we are individuals with varying tastes and styles. I welcome the great variety that women currently produce and would appreciate if journalist took the time to actually view the films of directors they write about. This would enable them to understand and appreciate how different our visions of erotica are and that the gender of the director will not necessarily produce a certain style. There are many different women out there with varying erotic tastes. It is about time that they all can find food for thought.
Guy Candy
Posted: 18 August 2008
Sexism works both ways and that both genders lose if we remain stuck in rigid roles with no room to play, grow and develop. I had an email from a young guy that really touched me and brought home how much some men hate the fact that they do not feel physically desired by women. The assumption still prevails that a naked men or a penis is supposed to be “ugly” and undesirable -unless you are gay. The guy who wrote to me craves to be an object of female desire. He wrote:
“I am a 18 year old male from Italy . I have a big question: are women visual or not ? And can they be sexually stimulated by a good formed male body? It makes me very sad when I read that men are visual but women are emotional, men watch porn but women don’t. I also feel very sad when I see women wear sexy clothes but men don’t do it themselves. Do women really only enjoy stroking and romantic, emotional things and the male body shape does not turn them on? It is a very bad feeling for me that my girlfriend does not care about my body, even if I am totally nude in front of her. I love and am attracted to every cell in her body, from her head to her toes plus I adore her soul. It is a really bad feeling that as men we are considered the less attractive and ‘lower’ creatures. I hope not every woman thinks like this. I didn’t find anyone to ask except you and I know that you will be honest with me...”
I think it is about time for women to be allowed to occasionally look at men as “guy candy”. Women can enjoy being the voyeurs and men can get a taste of what it is like to feel desired. Voyeurism does not have to be exploitative or degrading towards the objects of desire. This is why in my films “Female Fantasies” and “Feeling it!” I feature a solo male masturbation scene. It is fascinating to see how each guy is unique and touches himself in his own special way. I like watching men in action and from the feedback I get from my female audience many women enjoy this rare pleasure as well. Especially the straight women are bored always being presented lots of female masturbation. They want to see guys because that is what turns them on. I think that a lot of men would enjoy being able to be in the role of the ‘object’ at least sometimes rather than being the predator all the time and not feeling desired or appreciated. So I told the young man that yes, women DO desire men physically. But until now there has not been much for us to look at (except gay porn). Most women like male bodies. My personal favourites (apart from the obvious) are: the lips, the chest, the hands and the bum. I love it when my boyfriend wiggles his ass for me when he walks up the stairs in front of me. And it annoys me that if anyone spotted us this would be considered as ‘weird’. If any of you guys out there are wondering whether you should, I’d say: go on, knock yourself out and do a strip for her or let her watch you whilst you are working out, have a shower or play with yourself. If we are able to switch roles sometimes then we will become more liberated and flexible. The shame is over and that goes for women and men.
Firewood
Posted: 29 July 2008
Last night I had a fire in my garden just after sunset. All the wood burnt was from driftwood I had gathered on the beach earlier. There is something magical about simple pleasures that money can’t buy. If a pleasure costs nothing, it sets you free. It gives you time that you would otherwise have to be spent working, earning money to afford things. Of course it took time to collect the bags and bags of driftwood and it made my arms as heavy as lead but I really enjoyed gathering a resource with no currency needed but my time. There was something else I realised last night looking into my fire and I could not stop smiling: It was the first weekend I have had off in years. Of course I have had weekends but for years I have not had 48 hours off work. I have always worked at last half a day. In the past five years there has never ever been a weekend when I would not have checked and responded to my emails.
Because I love my work I often forget to just live.
So it is a new and happy sensation to not work for a few days. Close the office, leave the house. They sell signs that say “Gone fishing” they should do one “Gone Foraging” Because when I am not collecting driftwood on the beach I can usually be found on a sunny day at the roaming “pick your own farm” where I fill my mouth and baskets with raspberries, blackberries and strawberries. There is always a different crop ready and I walk away with baskets full of carrots, beetroot, cabbage, Broccoli, cauliflower, onions paying only a few quid.
It is really satisfying to cook and enjoy food that I picked myself only a couple of hours ago. It is a little bit closer to the dream of self sufficiency I have. One day I will live in a big house with my very own beehive, goats and chickens, surrounded by 10 acres of land. Dream on.
It’s nice to dream for a while and stop banging my head against a brick wall. I had to do that. “Feeling it!” my new and if the critics are to be quoted so far best film is only selling very slowly. The sales are so slow that unless a miracle happens, it is very unlikely that I will invest into another erotic film this year. So now it is time for plan B: I will keep on working on my book ideas and my documentary on female pornographers and enjoy this amazing summer that has finally arrived in the UK. And I try not to feel guilty that I am not in front of the computer or behind the camera for twelve hours of more every day. It is like the lyrics of the song “Firewood” from one of my favourite singer-songwriters, Martha Tilston:
“I may be gone for a while; I must go away for a while - collecting firewood.
When I return my arms will be full. When I return my arms will be full of firewood.”
Without firewood there would be no fire. I realised this just in time. This is not a time for pushing but flowing. And I can feel it already: the whisper of happiness in my mind. It is nice to be rather than to want to have and just enjoy a summer’s day and swim in the sea.
Flamenco and fun in the sun
Posted: 03 July 2008
In the last two weeks my feet have barely touched the ground. I am on the plane right now on my way back from Madrid where I spent the last 5 days attending the FICEB award, buying outfits and props and networking.
We arrived in Madrid last Wednesday and had only an hour or so to get ready to go to the gala night. Due to the extreme heat (38 degrees in the shade at 9 pm) I ditched the idea of wearing my long satin evening gown with matching gloves and opted for a short summery number instead. The awards party was held in a seventies style restaurant in the beautiful Retiro Park. All the big players of the Spanish porn industry were there and quite a few European porn celebrities as well. It was so nice to be able to share this event with Violetta who has become a dear friend to me as well as being my muse and one of the stars of my films. What we create is a labour of love and true teamwork so it seems wrong when I turn up at awards parties all by myself. It would have been nice to walk away on the night with one or even the two awards we were nominated for. It would have meant the world to me and a lot to Violetta who has supported me for 2 years now and had to take off three days from work so she could travel to be there with me. But it was not to be. ‘Best film’ and ‘best director ‘ went to “Casino” – a big budget film created by Marc Dorcel productions. Congratulations to them ! I have not seen the film yet but am interested to see what they created. I must get hold of a copy and put it on my “to view” list.
I am not disappointed as I never thought that I had a realistic chance of winning as an independent producer next to all the big production companies with massive budgets. We enjoyed the night and sharing our table with the marketing guys from Daring media who produce big, lavish porn films in Barcelona. It was great to chat to them as they, to our surprise share our opinion that porn must open up to new consumers, styles and content in order to survive.
There is a reason why porn DVD sales are falling and it is not just the growing popularity of video on demand (downloads). I also think that even hardened porn fans are getting bored with repetitive content. The film titles and names of performers change yet the sex acts and order they are shown in remain the same. It is like porn by numbers and the lack of creativity and innovation bores many viewers. With time the industry will change and for us, a small independent label doing porn in a unique way, to be nominated for the two big awards is an indication that the industry is getting ready to embrace creative innovation.
The morning after the award party I went for a day to the Ficeb show but it was not what I expected. The opening hours were from 6 pm until 5am and the show was held in a massive rave venue. Girls were stripping and couples were fucking live on various stages to the beat of techno and trance whilst hordes of middle aged men tried to video or photograph the action on their mobile phones. There were only a few stalls selling gimmicks and none of the big exhibitors were there. So I could not make any deals. As a business trip this did not work out well but as a girly weekend it was fun.
One night we went to see an excellent Flamenco show with some male dancers. It was HOT: their bodies heaving and dripping with sweat their faces contorted in almost orgasmic ecstasy. What a turn on to watch them dance as if they had sex with an imaginary lover. It just showed that sexiness has to do with personality and energy rather than full frontal nudity and explicit acts.
Some other nights Violetta and me spent watching a selection of alternative porn that I have found recently. We analyse the films, laugh about clichés and celebrate anything that done in a creative way or puts women on top. We were particularly interested with “The gift”, a Spanish film that won many awards at the Ficeb in 2006 and also “Constance”, a Danish film that is ten years old and was one of the first European porn films catering for a female audience. Apart from one rough and slightly disturbing scene (a kind of rape scenario) I liked all the other scenes in “The Gift” – it was shot really well with lots of steadycam work which I would love to use in the future and even featured a roof top sex scene with shots taken from a helicopter. The sex was hot and varied and many clichés were broken. So thumbs up from Violetta and me for this unusual film. “Constance” impressed us because it featured a lot of women reciving oral, showed some pubic hair and also integrated the use of condoms. I like it when porn promotes safe sex rather than risking the health of the performers or pretending that condoms are not sexy. It’s a shame that all sex scenes ended in a visible cum shot though – it would have been nice to see the orgasms just in the odd scene in people’s faces or whole body spasms. “The Gift” and “Constance” were created by male directors. The films are proof to me that the gender of the director is less important than their artistic talent and willingness to break porn rules when it comes to the creation of alternative porn.
A highlight of our trip was meeting the fantastic corset designer Maya Hanson. Violetta needed some new outfits for her burlesque performances and we also hoped to find a look that could work well for a future shoot. Maya works in a wonderful loft filled with mirrors and stunning outfits. We did not know where to look or what to try on first – there was so much choice. Whilst most shops just sell red, white or black corsets off the peg, Maya hand-tailors all her corsets in a huge variety of materials and patterns. Violetta went for a purple corset with matching bloomers, called “polollos” and also an ivory/baby blue outfit with build-in suspenders. They both look a million dollars. I splashed out on an under bust corset that I can wear with my beloved black jeans and vest tops as well as over a dress. I hope to get it tailored in a strawberry print and if that is not available will go for the Hawaiian beauties instead.
I am happy but also worn out and glad to be back home at last. It gets tiring to live out of a suitcase and it is also beyond my limited means to pay for all these trips on my credit card. I love to network and to be part of all the different film festivals and trade shows but now the time has come to concentrate on spending my time to actually making some money – be it with writing, photography or filming.
I look forward to put the skills I learnt in a Final Cut Pro editing course into practise and start the postproduction of my “women on top” documentary.
Red lights and orgasmic breath
Posted: 02 July 2008
Violetta (who stars in my films and has become one of my best friends) and I were invited to Amsterdam support the female run sex shop “Mail and Female” at the “Pinched festival”. Violetta was modelling their new range of underwear whilst I was photographing people in a tiny photo booth. It was a pleasure to meet the wonderful Annie Sprinkle again who headlined the event. I had a chance to interview Annie for my documentary on women and porn. She is such a wise woman who has experiences with the porn industry from many different angles. An ex porn star she is now a director, performance artist and Tantra teacher spreading her credo: “Love is the new sex!”. I admire her for bring much needed sensuality and spirituality into the world of porn, the sex industry and our lives. Annie also gave a workshop on orgasmic breath – the power of breath is amazing. It teaches you to focus on being in the moment. Breath allows you to focus on different parts of your body, switch of your mind and become more alive. When I started doing yoga 20 years ago it changed my (sex) life. I learnt to breathe consciously and it truly helped to get me out of my head and into my body. Using the conscious breathing during sex opened up a whole new world of sensations I would never want to do without again. So any breathing workshops and especially Annie’s come highly recommended.
Violetta and I ventured out into the red light district one night. It was amazing to see how sex was for sale openly in a well regulated and non intimidating way, rather than hidden and tucked away in badly lit dark and dangerous alleys. Most women were displaying themselves in the red lit windows but a few of them had ventured outside in front to their shops. We decided to chat to them to find out what the sex industry had to offer to female customers. We were told that a blow job costs 50 Euros but to give a woman head costs four times as much – 200 Euros. There was not a single amn in any of the windows. Even though they do exist. Male escorts for men and women still are invisible. It seems that in prostitution just as much as in porn women as customers are still discriminated against. The whole sex industry is geared towards men.
We ventured into the famous live sex show at Casa Rosso and it was so disappointing. The men were really unattractive and I could barely bring myself to view the action. There were no sounds coming from the stage and no signs of ectasy in anybody’s faces. Silent and highly choreographed sex not more but rather less erotic than a sports routine. After one hour the whole performance started again with the same performers going through exactly the same motions – silently. Give me a aubtle burlesque show anytime over this dull and boring gyrating boredom. One night in the red light district was more than enough for me.
I used my time in Amsterdam well to work more on my documentary “Women on top” – female porn directors and was excited to have a chance to interview Maria Llopis from Spain (formerly one part of the well known director’s duo “girlswholikeporno”) and Jennifer Lyon Bell. Maria creates really fun subversive sex clips that play with gender and empower women. Jennifer has created a short film called “head shot” that was shown on quite a few film festivals. It shows a guys face and only his face during a blow job he receives. The clip stands in the tradition of the famous film “Orgasm -faces of ecstasy” and the “Beautiful Agony” website – showing faces rather than body parts during orgasm – a revolutionary act within the porn industry. The interviews were delightful and insightful and I can’t wait to share them with you soon when my film comes out and also as a special treat in my soon to be created member’s area on this site
It's an honour
Posted: 18 June 2008
I just found out that I have two nominations for this year's international erotic film festival (www.ficeb.com) in Spain. I am so excited because I have been nominated as 'best director' and "Feeling it!", my new release is nominated as 'best film'. Last year I won "best 'soft' film" for "Female Fantasies". This year I have been invited into the 'inner sanctum' of hard-core awards. The two most prestigious nominations are mine and I can't stop smiling.
I am the only female director nominated next to the well established male directors, the heavy weights of the porn industry: Marc Dorcel, Rocco Siffredi, Paul Thomas and John Leslie. It feels good to be recognized by the industry. Last year at the Venus award in Germany they introduced a new category "female hard-core". I know they had good intentions to create a unique category for female-made porn but I believe that true equality means that a man or woman can win 'best director' and 'best film'. I think it would be great to have an award for alternative porn that is independently produced – be it by a male or female director. To produce independently without the financial and promotional backing of one of the big companies is a real achievement and that should be recognized. It's the independent producers that create what's called "alt porn" – alternative porn that is fresh and exciting. I would also welcome an award for creativity as most porn is so dull and repetitive it would do the industry good to acknowledge and reward creativity. New talent that finds creative solutions to the sex by numbers formula most porn features can help to rejuvenate the industry and get us to think out of the box and ultimately liberate us sexually.
I don't know what my chances are of winning one of these awards. After all I am nominated alongside famous and talented directors and big budget films that have the backing of the industry's giants – companies like Vivid or Private. They can afford locations and equipment that I can only dream about. But then again I got my creative and kinky mind which works in unique ways, so maybe there is a slight chance that I will walk away with an award this year. But for now I am on a real high to be nominated and can't wait to be over in Madrid next Wednesday for the big red carpet event. It will be a celebration and I will be part of it and that is all that matters.
My Bum Fetish
Posted: 16 June 2008
In the summer the garden is my favourite room in the flat. I work and play in it - spending hours on the laptop in the sun. I am always on the lookout for unique trinkets to make this 'room' more magical. My most prized possession is the hot tub where many evenings are spent relaxing after a hard days work. I grow my own strawberries, lettuce and lots of sweat peas. Recently many round mirrors have been added and a sparkling glitter ball. The most recent addition however is a gorgeous pert butt. It’s my boyfriend's bum that has been cast in iron and now seductively protrudes from the wall.
I love his bum and want to see it as much as possible. If my boyfriend walks up the stairs in front of me, I am ready to play within seconds. The slightest wiggle of his perfect peach and I get weak in the knees and moist between my legs.
Male bums are hot and highly underrated. They are the only real curves on an angular male body and I am drawn to them magnetically. I love that they are not soft and squishy but muscular and firm. They are spankable and fuckable and I cant get enough of them. It is so hot that between the cheeks lies the gateway to a guys most erogenous zone: the prostate (what a horrible, medical name) that I love to massage until it swells, gets hot and triggers the most spectacular orgasm. Pirelli might do a boob calendar I want a male bum calendar. Bums do it for me and I want to see more of them. When I look at the iconic bum on my garden wall it makes me happy as I think of the pleasures that lie ahead and soon in my hungry hands.
Together we are unstoppable!
Posted: 05 June 2008
I have just returned from a trip to Amsterdam where I met and interviewed the fabulous Candida Royalle for my upcoming documentary on female pornographers. Candida who has been producing and directing sensual porn for women in the States for two decades now is not only a pioneer but veteran when it comes to visualising erotic female fantasies. Over the past few months we have become pen or rather keyboard friends, writing to each other regularly to network and inspire each other across the Atlantic. As Candida was in Amsterdam to work with the designer of Natural Contours, a female friendly sex toy line she helped to create, I thought: this is it let's meet and share that long overdue glass of champagne. We did meet and got on like a house on fire. It was wonderful to talk to Candida about female friendly toys, what women want in porn, designer vaginas and the future of the adult industry. In her two decades of creating alternative porn Candida has gained so much insight and wisdom that I was blessed to capture on film. Look out for the documentary that I aim to complete by the end of this year. It will feature many of the female key players when it comes to porn: Candida Royalle, Annie Sprinkle, Anna Span, Maria Beatty and many more.
I was delighted that through my networking with the female run alternative sex shop Mail and Female they found out about Candida's visit and decided to invite her for an evening on porn for women. And what an amazing event it was. It was full house with 75 women attending, swigging champagne with raspberries and exchanging ideas on what makes sex films porn for women. Ella, the porn expert from Mail and Female put together a show reel of lots of different porn clips from female directors to illustrate how many different visions of female porn there are. The different approaches form the directors were mirrored in the response of the audience: some women liked it rough and ready with a good pinch of humour and some liked their porn to be arty, sensual and subtle. I loved Candidas's attitude: "Don't ever make a woman feel bad if she does not like porn, not even female made porn. Tastes vary and what is too hard woman is too soft for another. It is OK to not all agree on what turns us on!"
Mail and Female were one of the first mail order companies to cater for women who wanted to buy sex toys and porn online and are celebrating their 20th birthday this year. To celebrate their success they are putting on more events with women from all over the world. On the 19th of June Annie Sprinkle will teach breathing techniques that support orgasm and on the 9th of August I am invited to give a presentation on how to make your own creative porn.
There are a lot of exciting events happening right now in Amsterdam; one of them being "Pinched", an alternative Erotica festival peaking on the 21st of June. There will be many exciting discussions and performances and I will be doing an open casting.
After my visit in Amsterdam I feel truly inspired and enriched. To meet Candida, the Mail and Female posse and Marije Janssen, the organiser of "Pinched", made me realise what I have been sensing for quite some time now: porn for women is unstoppable. There are so many women working on female focused erotica right now that neither the adult industry nor the mainstream press can call us a niche phenomenon. We work on these films around the world and around the clock and what makes us a force to be reckoned with is the fact that we are all connected right now. We talk to each other, we listen, we learn and we co-operate. Now that we have found each other the sky is the limit! Sisterhood is powerful. Work co-operations emerge and friendships grow. As a parting gift Candida gave me a signed copy of her fabulous book "How to tell a naked man what to do!" (you never stop learning) and I gave her home made English strawberry jam. I have a feeling we will be friends for life.
No sex in the city
Posted: 29 May 2008
Last night I went to see "Sex and the City" with my best mate Erica. In true girl's night out style, a Thai dinner was followed by champagne cocktails to get ready for a feel good movie with an edge. The cinema was sold out. 95% of the audience was female.
The film started out fun and flamboyant but the longer it went on, the more uneasy I felt. All of the main characters seemed to have stopped living a real life and growing. We hardly ever saw them at work and none of them experimented sexually by using toys, watching porn, or taking part in sensual workshops. They had all settled into cosy heterosexual monogamy. What annoyed me more than anything was the ending. It could have been from a 1950's movie: Carrie took Mr. Big back only seconds after seeing him again - even though he left her on the altar, they had not been speaking for 6 months and she had been to emotional hell. No questions asked, no rules set. Why did they have to get married at all? Why could she not be happily single or go out with someone who is ready to commit and has no problem giving her the big wedding of her dreams? Oh and Miranda – why could she not (like the actress in real life) discover her bisexual side and fall for a woman rather than having Steve back? Charlotte of course has become the perfect housewife. Happily married, mother to an adopted baby girl, she says "I have everything I ever dreamt of" no more thoughts and time wasted on her original big love - art. Carrie's assistant, a twenty-something, packs in her dream job and life in NYC to marry her boyfriend after he dumped her and moves back - wait for it - to Louisiana. And Samantha leaves the only hot guy in the show because she is bored and unfulfilled rather than making more time for each other, or living her life with him by her side. But even the breakup leaves her unsatisfied: She did not seem to go back to her old ways of being an adventuress even as a single woman but rather settles for joyful comfort eating.
Most women in the cinema were in their twenties. What messages are they told, what lessons will they learn? The sex in the city 'icons' are no more heroines who make their own dreams come true, experiment sexually and with different relationship models - just superficial women that drink cocktails, talk fashion and would do anything to find happiness with "the one". It is odd that especially films which are supposed to be for women always put us down a peg.
I remember with horror the message of "All about Anna" - hailed as the ultimate porn for women. The sexually liberated woman is portrayed as an alcoholic and Anna has her heart broken by her "big love". When he disappears without a word for years, she starts to experiment sexually but never finds true happiness. That is the prerogative of her "big love" when he returns to her after something like 5 years. She takes him back of course, no questions asked. Arghhhh. Let's do a movie that truly reflects how modern liberated women live and love – the many variations of sexuality, relationships and definitions of "happiness". We have moved on and continue to explore and grow. The sky is the limit.
Design-a-vagina
Posted: 28 May 2008
I have recently been working on an article for Forum magazine on inspirational vagina art and also the worrying trend in plastic surgery to create cloned designer vaginas. During my research I came across Jamie McCartney, a Brighton based body caster who is currently working on a piece entitled "design-a-vagina". He is casting vaginas from 160 volunteers to have them all on display next to each other as a celebration of diversity. He says:
"For many women their vagina is a source of shame rather than pride and this piece seeks to redress the balance, showing that everyone is different, everyone is normal, and everyone is beautiful"
I could not resist but had to be one of the vagina volunteers donating my pussy cast proudly for the arts. The experience took only five minutes and yes, let's be honest it did not feel dignified to climb onto a wooden bench and spread my legs for a total stranger who dons surgical gloves to plaster Nivea and then blue goo onto my pussy but once the goo was one it felt good. Cold and sticky at the same time. The best part was when the cast came off: I had never seen my pussy like this – three dimensional and right in front of my face. It beats an awkward mirror image any time. I like my cunt even more now that I had a good look I think it's beautiful in its fleshy fullness. So thanks to Jamie my vagina will be part of the art installation and also grace my bedroom wall. May this piece of inspirational art help to liberate women and teach them to love their pussies, cunts, vaginas and yonis in all their glory ! If you would like to know more about "Design-A-Vagina" and possibly volunteer your pussy for the project, check out: www.brightonbodycasting.com
During the writing of my article I also came across Grit Scholz, a photographer and publisher from Germany who has photographed lots of vaginas of friends and even her mother to help breaking an ancient taboo. She published the book "The gate to life" (www.lebensgut-verlag.de) independently so she could do it exactly how she wanted it. No compromise. Grit told me:
"The vagina became taboo in Christianity when we were told that a virgin conceived and gave birth to Christ. This myth reflects the thought that sex and the vagina is dirty. This is an ancient believe about the female sex and sexuality but most of us are subconsciously still influenced by it. The topic "vagina" is still taboo these days – nobody wants to touch it.
We see one type of cloned, shaved and small lipped vagina in porn but apart from porn films we hardly ever see any and many of us do not even know what our own pussy look like. With her picture book Grit wants to educate and inspire and encourage us to have a good look so that we can glow with pride instead of shame. She told me:
"Pornography is in stark contrast to our religious conditioning - a pressure valve that many people use to let off steam and satisfy their physical needs. To me most pornography is disconnected from our souls and true intimacy with other human beings. And this is why pornography is acceptable to most people – it is far removed from our souls and therefore also social conditioning. What I would like to achieve with my work is to reunite body, mind and soul when we approach our sexuality and genitals."
The ever growing obsession with genital grooming and also the growing figures of women watching porn has led to a huge trend in women wanting that "perfect" vagina: no pubic hair and small, delicate, almost invisible inner and outer lips. Anyone can have such a designer vagina at the cost of around 5 grant, a lot of pain and the risks of a surgery under general anaesthetic.
I find the idea of cloned body parts is unsettling. To me uniqueness is sexy. Self love is the key. If we can not accept our individuality but feel under pressure to conform, then we might get more than what we bargained for. In a recently published article in the British Medical Journal the author, Sarah Creighton, a well known London gynaecologist warns of the dangers of cutting the vagina up to give it a more appealing look:
"Incision to any part of the genitalia could compromise sensitivity!"
So women who take their genital grooming to the extreme could risk loss of sensation where it matters most. That would be a very high price to pay for the perfect look – no more feeling and therefore less or no more orgasms ever. If this was the case then the quest for the ultimate look and sexual sensation would backfire in a dramatic way and the results of this controversial surgery would be similar to genital mutilation (the cutting of the clit) that is still practised especially in many African countries. The irony is that the genital mutilation is done against the will of the woman whereas the plastic surgeries in the West are chosen by the women who are desperate to conform to an unrealistic standard. What can I say – whatever you call it: vagina, pussy, cunt – love it and enjoy it ! You know that free-range always tastes best.
With passion
Posted: 25 May 2008
I just returned from the first ever "Passion" show in London. I loved the design of the show: all black and pink with plush pink carpets leading the way to a huge variety of sensual merchandise. I got myself a wonderful miniature top hat covered in leopard skin. I had fun in de video village where half a dozen gogo boys were bumping and grinding to promote the hot gay DVDs from Corolo Films. It is always a pleasure to meet bi boys and it was a refreshing change from other tradeshows to see some guy candy rather than just the usual girls in hot pants with silicone breasts. I also spent a long time at the Vibra Fun booth selling vibrating whips and crops. It is a genius idea. A few years back I submitted this idea of the perfect slap and tickle toy to a few toy producers but nobody was interested. Now Vibra Fun have brought out a whole range and I am very impressed. The crops and whips vibrate at various levels silently and are also fully functioning spanking implements. Thanks to the director from Vibra Fun who sorted me out with a whole set of new erotic and truly exotic toys. I really appreciate it.
More info on their full range: www.vibrafunproducts.com
I also enjoyed the burlesque show with a variety of female and male acts from the London festival of burlesque. I was also looking for a distributer for my first soft cut "Sensual Seduction" a merger of my most sensual scenes from "Sexual Sushi" and "Female Fantasies". As this film is 18 rated it can be sold in any retail or online shop. I made some good contacts, especially through Christian at Corollo Films, so fingers crossed. Soon this film will also be available to buy directly on my website.
The show had a real upmarket feel and I really enjoyed it. I hope that it was a huge success for the organisers and exhibitors and that it will be back in the next year.
I returned back home laden with lots of exciting goodies. My selection of whips and crops poking out of my passion bag raised a few eyebrows on the train. I did not care but smiled as I could not wait to get home and play...
Maria and Me
Posted: 13 May 2008
When looking at the shelf of an average sex shop one could easily think that there are hardly any female filmmakers making creative porn from a woman's point of view. But that is not the case. Through networking I discovered other talented women who produce films for women independently and it is a pleasure to be connected with them. Sometimes it is not enough to email or call each other but one needs to meet over a bottle of champagne in the sunshine ! I was very keen to share some bubbly with the high priestess of lesbian s/m porn: Ms Maria Beatty. Maria has created the genre "porn noir" – similar to film noir featuring high contrast flickering black and white images – a completely new approach in the often brightly it and candy coloured world of porn.
Her hypnotic debut work "The Black Glove" was an intimate portrayal of a sadomasochistic encounter between herself and a dominant female partner. The now legendary movie made the entrancing submissive a cult star in the worldwide fetish scene. In ten years Maria and her production company bleu productions has produced and directed over 35 lesbian fetish films and one feature film with the second one being completed later this year...
As Maria lives not far from me – just across the channel in Paris, I decided to meet her for an interview which will be part of a book and film on women in porn I am working on. We met by the Seine on a wonderful sunny Saturday afternoon. She brought her girlfriend Ursula along and I came with one of my favourite performers and dear friend Violetta. There were smiles an laughter all around as we chatted about our work – the pleasure it gives us to create our unique films and the battles we face a s truly independents to get distributed and seen.
Committed to total control over her own work, Maria Beatty just like me has gone on to establish herself as a true independent, winning acclaim and awards for her uncompromising work. Her personal approach achieves an authentic sensuality rarely seen in adult cinema. She enjoys leading viewers into the enticing world of fetishism.
Her work is highly controversial because she does not just feature fluffy love making but pushes boundaries by featuring bondage, fisting, golden showers and more in her exciting s/m scenarios.
As Maria does everything herself: directing, camera, editing, marketing and distribution, she can often be seen packing parcels with her DVDs late at night to fulfil orders that come in from around the world. After ten years of working as an independent Maria has not lost the tiniest bit of enthusiasm. Her joy and energy is infectious and lifted m spirits and encouraged me to continue with creating my films. She also told me that she thinks my films are groundbreaking and that's he has never seen straight erotic films where women are being pleasured as much as in my films and that she hopes that unique quality of my work will finally be recognized. Thank you Maria for a wonderful time and your supportive words and smiles. I hope to be on set with Maria a couple of days this summer in Berlin when Maria will shoot her second feature film. If you would like to find out more about her amazing work, check out: www.bleufilms.com
Violetta and me continued to have a wonderful time in Paris sampling more champagne, visiting the crazy horse club and unsettling quiet a few sex shop owners with our mission to find female-friendly porn amongst a mass of assembly line porn. Needless to say we did not find any. But one day all of that is going to change! There is a revolution happening in the erotic industry right now and at the heart of it are women. Women working world-wide around the clock on bringing sensuality and creativity, humour and magic back into sex. And it feels fantastic to be a part of this !
Win some, lose some
Posted: 07 May 2008
I am so excited because today my feminist porn award for "best bi scene" arrived. I was not able to fly out to Toronto to collect it personally so I want to thank the organizer for sending me the unique glass butt plug trophy !
It is interesting that this award was given to me for one of my most controversial scenes: "Cruising" from "Female Fantasies". This scene is based on the female fantasy what it would be like to cruise or cottage like gay men in a public place for a spontaneous chance encounter of uncensored passion. The scene starts with three bi men making out in a toilet – the kind of eye candy many women like to see: various men turning each other on. To top this experience the next step in the female fantasy is to join the boys and have them play by your rules. In "Cruising" the woman who joins the guys is well equipped with a big black starp-on that the guys suck for her. It is refreshing and exciting to show a woman receiving rather than giving a blow job all the time. How do the boys give head? For the woman who looks down on the guy who sucks her starp-on the feeling of being turned on happens in her biggest sex organ – between her ears - before it slowly travels down between her legs.
Male bi sexuality and female/male role reversal is still a major taboo in mainstream porn. So this scene was censored by one of my big dealers who accepted "Female Fantasies" on their shelves only if that particular scene that they called "ugly, dirty and image damaging" was cut.
I had to think long and hard about what to do and in the end decided to let them cut this scene as it was more important that 90% of my content reached their customers than none. So now there is a director's cut of "Female Fantasies" and a censored version.
They forgot to tell me that they were also going to cut my very special feature, a porn parody on how mainstream porn would shoot a threesome. In my original scene "car wash" the woman gets pampered by two guys – with hands and tongues only. I did not want to fulfill the expectation I knew people would have from previous porn films. I did not want to show double penetration and the guys fraternizing over her body as if it was just a piece of meat. In the parody we gave her a long blonde wig, glued on red false finger nails and gave her the smokiest eye make up possible. The guys were oiled up and they were instructed to continuously look into the camera to show off how "hot" they were. The proceeded to (fake) spit roast her whilst she was moaning into the camera, tossing her hair and sucking her index finger. Faking it, not feeling it at it's best.
When I am asked what's different about my films vs. mainstream porn I always show these two scenes and amidst lots of laughter everybody understands instantly. I think it is absurd that this scene has been cut as it is so unique and makes everyone laugh. But it looks like the porn industry is very sensitive to criticism and can't take it and embrace it even when it is done tongue in cheek.
I really hope that the industry especially the porn film distributors and dealers become more open minded and encourage unusual scenes that question and break existing rules rather than censor them.
"Cruising" was recently shown at the renowned BFI in London during the Lesbian and Gay film festival to huge acclaim. I have been invited to show this scene and my porn parodies at 6 other international film festivals. And now I won an award for the Cruising scene.
It just illustrates what is filth for one person is art to another. Visualized fantasies are powerful and push many buttons. Depending on where you are coming from the reaction to a cutting edge scene will be positive or negative. And this says nothing about the quality of the actual scene. If it polarizes ideas, it is important that it was made.
This just confirms to me that I need to continue to work as an independent filmmaker because if a big name financed me it is almost certain they would want to control the content and "Cruising" would have never been made...
What the industry needs is not more of the same but a huger variety of porn. There should be even something like a new talent award that is sponsored within the industry. This way the porn industry will be able to rejuvenate and attract new interest and maybe even reclaim viewers that have lost interest a long time ago.
Competition Time
Posted: 01 May 2008
Tickets for Passion show and more to be won !
London has got a new erotica lifestyle event, aimed especially at women and couples. It launches on the weekend 24/25 of May. This show will feature a wide range of burlesque entertainment of lots of stands selling corsets, upmarket toys etc.: www.passion-uk.com.
Passion has donated 5 pairs of tickets to us, worth £30. To win a pair of tickets please email me with a couple of sentences on what kind of erotic scenario you would like to see in my next film. You do not have to go into detail, a couple of sentences will do. Your entries will be confidential. Our favourite five entries will win the tickets and the next five will win my limited edition erotic playing cards photographed by me. Please send your ideas with a phone number and your address so that we can send you your prize. Good luck!
Female Friends
Posted: 29 April 2008
One of the highlights of Erotika Cologne was for me bumping into so many talented women who work independently in the erotic industry. I met Anja from Self Delve who has been designing her own "Garden of Eden" range of dildoes for just over a year now. Her cucumbers, carrots and bananas are made from a choice of hard or soft silicon and they change color during use - due to body heat. The green bananas turn ripe and ready yellow after they have done their job of pleasuring. This quirky idea made me laugh, and laughter and fun are such key elements in a happy and liberated sex life that I have no doubt that her fruits of garden Eden will become a huge success. I also met for the first time the wicked women behind "Mail & Female" from Amsterdam - one of the first sex shops ever to sell sex toys and porn for women in Europe. They have now designed and created their own range of fantastic lingery "Love from Holland". All the beautiful items are made from the softest and most comfortable material so that they can be worn all day long and not just for special moments. I am chuffed that I was given as a gift my two favorite items: an open-cup bra with matching peek-a-boo knickers which will be tried out and tested very soon.
It is always a pleasure to see Laura Meritt again, who also came to Cologne from Berlin for a fleeting visit to appear with me in a German TV special on porn for women that was shot during Erotika for "Frau TV" (WDR). I feel that our female network is a form of support that money could never buy. It lifts me up and carries me through when I need it most and makes me glow with happiness in the strong believe that we are at the heart of a revolution in the adult industry right now. It is done by women and for women and we are getting more and more that do our best in creating photos and films, toys and lingerie based on our intuitive knowledge of what women really want. Working independently, we may seem small and to the industry giants - even insignificant - but together we are strong and we make a change that can be seen and felt at trade events, in the media and your local sex shop. And if your local sex shop or online retailer doesn't stock female-made films, toys and lingery and you would like to buy them, ask why they don't sell what you want, so we can grow from strength to strength...
Good news at last!
Posted: 28 April 2008
I am sitting on the plane right now, high above the Rhine and a beautiful sunset over Cologne. I am tired but happy. I even do not mind that I just had to pay easyjet £25 for excess luggage because my suitcase is so jam packed with press releases, lube samples and the latest vibrators from the trade show "Erotika 2008". I have had the most amazing time. I went to Cologne feeling wobbly because in my gut I thought maybe this is my last adult trade show and maybe I will never create another erotic film. Not because I want to move on doing other things but because of economic necessity. For over four months I have been trying to find a distributor, I have written endless emails and done too many calls to even count - most of which were never returned. With only 800 copies of "Feeling it!" sold so far, my financial situation looked grim. Feeling the pressure of having to sell 10,000 copies just to break even and more if I would like to make a profit and invest into another film, I was at breaking point.
The night before the trade show I did not sleep. And then one meeting made me cry with joy and gave me back my wings. As it turned out, I am still owed money from a previous distributor for DVDs that were sold over the last two years during which I hadn't been informed that reprints were made. So this unexpected income comes as a life-saver in difficult times. I have also secured distribution, although at smaller initial quantities than I hoped for. But it is a start rather than the end and that fills me with joy. I am so glad to be finally sharing some good news with you and to be able to promise that I will create another art-core film - my fourth - some time in the future.
It was also a lucky coincidence that the woman's film festival was on in Cologne during my stay and I spent the evening and late, late nights glued to my seat in cinemas soaking up stunning and creative visuals from all over the worlds. I love to be inspired in this way, it is a real pleasure to see what other filmmakers come up with. So I am traveling home with a contract in my pocket, many ideas in my head and some lovely toys from sin five that I can not wait to test drive. Their designs are stunning and the vibrators are strong, silent and effective - what more can a girl ask for?!
Dark and feminine
Posted: 13 April 2008
Yesterday I did a photo shoot with Mistress Valkyrie who has become a dear friend! She wanted some "dark and feminine" pictures – its her passion and my speciality. So the shoot was a pleasure. I love doing shoots with no tight deadlines and tight outline of what shots are needed. This way its really playful, creative and liberating. We did over 600 shots and were lucky enough to do some in the garden as the spring sun came out. Valkyrie was in her riding outfit and later in a red leather dress, stepping out of a red mesh cocoon. Absolutely gorgeous. I don't do enough photo shoots these days as most of my time is taken up with distribution of my films, research and PR work. So it is wonderful to do a shoot and take time in bringing out the many different faces of a beautiful woman and stern mistress.
Investors wanted
Posted: 12 April 2008
I just got back to Berlin and am a little low – I miss the creative buzz of this wonderful city and the community of (erotic) artists that welcomed me. I wish I could have stayed or wish even more that I could go back soon to shoot my fourth film. I found the locations and performers – now it comes down to money. And the big distribution deal that I prayed for has not taken off. It is absurd – I have tons of positive publicity which generates the demand from customers but at the moment "Feeling it!" is only in a handful of shops. I need to sell around 10,000 copies to break even and currently I am nowhere near this target. The sales figures are still very low at the moment, so there is no capital available to invest into the new film. The options I have is to find and investor or some sponsorship. I will not go back to my bank for a third credit again. There is no limit to my creative energy but I have to start watching how much money I borrow no matter how much I want to do the new film. I will have to be patient and wait for the big deal, an investor, sponsorship or all three of them... Its hard to keep on believing and working on a project without any finance in place. But I will not give up. If you know of anyone who would like to invest into my fourth film or a toy, lube or condom company who would possibly like sponsor me - let me know...
Ich bin ein Berliner
Posted: 09 April 2008
What a wonderful day it has been. And tomorrow I am going back to the UK and somehow I don't want to. Wandered around in the morning and found by chance this fantastic cutting edge art installation. A huge slap of ice onto which the video image of a shivering naked man was projected. The ice melts slowly and the water is gathered into a tiny black lined pond onto which the image of a man floating in water is projected. The artist, Raphael DiLuzio (www.raphaeldiluzio.com) was there and he was so refreshingly unpretentious that he was surprised that I wanted him to sign a poster of the show. Then I went to check out the aqua Dom the biggest aquarium in the world into which one is transported inside a Plexiglas elevator. The aqua Dom is cool but somehow all the windows and doors of the hotel that are visible behind the aquarium ruin the illusion. My favourite item of the aquarium was the small display of jellyfish - they look like frozen in a timeless bubble.
I followed the venture into the underwater realms with the (in Germany) obligatory coffee and cake. Apple cake with marzipan and whipped cream – I could get used to this!!! Over coffee and cake I enjoy a peak at a photo book on pussies that Silke Maschinger who runs the erotic salon – a live talk show in Berlin – recommended. The book is called "Das Tor ins Leben" which means "the gate to life" and features stunning close up photos of pussies and forms in nature that are reminiscent of a vagina. The author and photographer Grit Scholz published the book herself to make sure it gets out there and maintain artistic freedom: www.lebensgut-verlag.de
The café where I look at pussies and eat cake is located in a Hinterhof – a giant square back yard which is a typical feature in Berlin. These huge backyards have become meeting points and lots of small independent businesses are blossoming here. I found a shop that sells only vintage dresses from the 40's to the 80's from America. It is called "Sterling Gold" and feels like a time wrap back of the fifties with its wonderful elegant outfits and excellent customer service: www.sterlinggold.de. I got myself this amazing short black number. I love one-offs. Its special. I often feel in England that most of the culture has been franchised whereas in Berlin each café, gallery and shop is unique usually staffed by the independent owners. This creates an eclectic mix of possibilities and I love choice because it is freedom.
In another backyard I found beneath a glass cube a fantastic hairdresser. The glass cube was surrounded by a minimalist garden. The blossoms that had just been drenched in a spring shower were so beautiful that I spent half an hour photographing them. I ended up getting an appointment at the hairdresser for 9 in the evening. When I got there the indie florist was arranging the most amazing flower instalment and a pastry chef who was having his hair straightened brought a raspberry chocolate cake for everyone to share. I had brought a bottle of wine that we all shared. When my appointment was finally over at midnight, a couple of people turned up with a bottle of vodka and we sat there and chatted for hours about sex, relationships, clubs, locations, porn and hot gay guys for my film. We sat chatted, drank vodka at a hairdresser at 1am – only in Berlin. I have completely and utterly fallen in love with this city and want to live here one day!
Sisters are doing it
Posted: 08 April 2008
Yesterday was an exciting day. I got to see a really cool location – a 100 year old club with working table telephones. How wonderful, I would really like to shoot here, now it is just a matter of how much the location will cost per day. I will get on the case.
After the viewing I went shopping for food and champagne as in the evening I was holding my first Berlin casting party. I love these informal get togethers where the performers can get to know me and each other and I get an idea of what makes them tick. The wonderful belle who is on the cover of "Feeling it" helped me to create little delicacies such as asparagus wrapped in ham – all done by hand to feed the eye as well as the stomach and also make this a special event. We spent hours creating a mini buffet and then just before everyone got there, interviewing each other. I have started to create a sort of video diary to capture more of the key behind the scene moments such as the castings, trade shows etc. to give a more accurate reflection of what my work is about and all the many different aspects that eventually lead to a shoot. I want to thank Belle here for her continuing support and for shooting some really good footage having been thrown in at the deep end. I simply can't film myself and can not afford to pay a camera person to follow me on all the different trios and ventures, so we need to improvise.
Gisele came to get to know the other women. Firelilly came too - she is a Berlin based performer who loves to play with fetish and fire – literally and she will be a real asset for the team ! and then there was Clare - a queer porn film maker who has created a short film about her and her lover. A round of talented and interesting women but – sadly no men. This is an ongoing theme in my productions... there are always plenty of fantastic women and we have a real shortage of hot, liberated men who are good lovers and enjoy treating women how they deserve it – as queens. My only explanation for this is that the average guy who wants to be in a porn films has fantasies about coming all over a woman's face which will not happen in my films. And the good looking, sexy nice guys would love to come and play but are too shy to be filmed... It's difficult as I do not want to recruit full time porn performers as I think they will probably have been trained to fake it and not feel it and will not enjoy one of my less structured and more improvised shoots where the sex is about pleasure and not performance.
In the hope that the men will come too, we shared our ideas and fantasies. I shared my new scrapbook with the girls and we brainstormed ideas for characters, outfits and scenes – some of them scorching hot and scandalous. I cant wait to start shooting and I hope that some time this year it will happen.
Food for thought and gods
Posted: 06 April 2008
I am in wonderful Berlin, Berlin to find locations, performers and general inspiration for my next film – a burlesque erotic adventure... Yesterday I met Gisele for the first time - a wonderful young woman with esprit. She is French Canadian and has just moved to Berlin. Gisele picked up my casting flyer weeks back in Brighton and now we finally met in Berlin. She loves expressing herself through dance which is one of the reasons that makes her an ideal player for the new film. I love the fact that she is so beautiful, fresh faced but also open to naughty adventures and experimentation. We got on like a house on fire. Unfortunately her boyfriend will not be able to join the new film cast as he ahs a teaching position and obviously can not risk losing his job in exchange for an erotic adventure.
It is so inspiring to meet like minded people and get out of the UK and away from my computer for some real encounters. This is how I work best in dialogue, creating a mutually inspirational and supportive creative family. This family always changes from project to project. This is why it is hard work and takes many months to find the cast for my films. But this is also what keeps my work exciting and the films unique and refreshing. Every film is different and I want to keep it this way.
Last night I went to see "Ambrosia" (Nectar of the gods) – a new erotic dance show created by two guys who used to work with cirque de soleil. The show was wonderful – creating subtle erotic scenarios with the use of exciting props and a variety of dance styles. There were men in heels (oooohhhh yeah), a contortionist, whips, bondage, white wax on a black chest and a lot of extremely skilled dancing ! The highlight was two gorgeous guys (one black, one white) dancing the tango together and ending it in a passionate kiss... I think I will never tire to watch two guys play together. I went backstage after the show to chat to Patrick and Johan King - the choreographers, main dancers and directors of this brand-new dance troupe. These guys have been working on this show for eight months and invested all their savings into the show with the aim to make erotic dance art accessible to a wide range of people who might never ever in their lives venture into a fetish or swinger club. I am a firm believer in networking, sharing skills and inspiring each other. It is fantastic to meet other people who follow their dreams and put their money where their mouth is so groundbreaking ideas can be out there rather than stay forever locked up on somebody's brain. I hope to work with Brian and Johann – I will shoot their show for them and they will help me with their choreography and possibly dance for me as well. More info: www.ambrosiaberlin.com
A night to remember
Posted: 01 April 2008
I was not even sure if I was going to go to the screening of two of my short films at the Lesbian and Gay Film Festival at the BFI in London but I am so glad that I did. During the last few weeks life has been tough due to a relationship crisis and distribution problems of my latest film. I found it hard to motivate myself to go out to network and party, be strong and be positive.
But I did it and had one of the best nights of my life. Violetta had a bad cold but decided to come anyway to see herself on the big screen in the UK for the first time and no doubt meet other sexy women. We met at Victoria train station in the Ladies' loos where we got changed. We started to feel the buzz as the taxi took us past Big Ben and the London Eye to the BFI. It's London, a film festival and we are here!!! All the shows of the first evening of the festival, including the slot "female fantasies" that showed among others our short films "Sailor's Bride" and "Cruising" were sold out. The foyer was buzzing with people and there was excitement in the air. We met up with the wonderful Emilia Ren (who has been in two of my films) who we see far too little of. The mum of one little boy (to be one year soon) is busy studying for her exam to become a fully qualified herbalist. But tonight none of this mattered. Violetta's cold, my money worries, Emilia's exam stress all faded into the background as we were lead to our table where the BFI laid on a posh dinner for us. The programmer of the event Kyle Stepahn and Dominic Buchanan treated Violetta, Emilia and I like queens. Needless to say we lapped it up like cats would cream.
We were treated to a few bottles of champagne and felt Very Important People indeed. What a thrill to be wined and dined and have been chosen to exhibit our films at such a prestigious event. We all could not stop smiling and lets be honest knocking back the champagne. I don't drink much but was really nervous and the champagne helped to settle my nerves.
After dinner we met up with another sister of our erotic film family – Valkyrie who stars in "Feeling it!", she joined us as we were taken to the green room (it was NOT green but mirrored all around which would be fabulous to shoot in I could not help but notice) but there was not much time to enjoy more drinks as we were ushered into the sold out cinema and introduced to the audience.
We talked about our philosophy, hopes and dreams on stage and were joined by Florence Fradelizi and her lover Catherine Corringer who both make hot Lesbian films together.
The whole slot of "Female Fantasies" was an exciting selection of shorts featuring completely different female desires and dreams: The "girls who like porn workshop" from Barcelona showed a scene between two women shot in an almost empty room under bright lights. There was no atmospheric lighting and no set as such - just a small stage on which the girls who were totally into each other tore each others clothes off. They were definitely feeling and not faking it and because no styling had gone into the set, it really came across that the chemistry between the performers is the most important factor in making exciting porn. I was also impressed by Florence Fradelizis short film. Florence shows her fucking her girlfriend with a strap on in a toilet – so it is not just me who has fantasies about cruising in public places ,). My short film "Cruising" (excerpt from "Female Fantasies") that was shown features also a woman with a strap-on in a public male toilet but she has three guys at her whim rather than a girl or few. The lesbians in the audience were shuffling in their seats as it took a while until my main female performer enters the scene and of course they did not get turned on by watching three gay men make out. Hats off to Kyle Stephan who selected my film to be shown as it is not "lesbian" but very queer indeed. It is great that it is shown to offer the audience a choice of gender fluid erotica.
From an artistic point of view I also liked Catherine Corringers "This is the girl" – a scene that involves boxing gloves, a head dildo and female ejaculation . It is beautifully shot, intimate and intense. I can't help to think what a great DVD the short selection would make to represent a huge variety of female sexual desires and techniques. I wish I had distribution power and publish such a joint effort DVD – it would be truly unique and an eye opener to so many people.
When "Sailor's Bride" (excerpt from "Feeling it!") was shown it was particularly exciting for Emilia as she had never ever seen the rushes or edited version of this film because she wanted to save the moment for the big screen. She loved it and the audience loved it too even though compared to what else was on show my "Sailor's Bride" is very "femme and vanilla".
After the screening Valkyrie's friend whisked us away in his black Porsche to Valkyrie's gorgeous flat where we drank champagne and talked until 4 in the morning about porn, female desires and relationships.
It was a great night that I will always remember. I want to take this opportunity to thank the LGFF for having us, and my girls for coming along to this much longed-for celebration of our hard work. Here's to many more nights like this to come in the future...
There are lots of more exciting screenings and events happening at the BFI. They will also show one of my porn parodies "Girls and Vegetables" on the 2nd of April at 23.00 in cinema number two, after "In search of the wild kingdom"... check out the whole programme: www.bfi.org.uk
Dealing with dealers
Posted: 25 March 2008
Believe it or not the distribution for "Feeling it!" is still not sorted. I have had a few small wholesellers placing orders only to promptly follow them with not-so-nice emails, suspecting me of selling the film to other dealers at a better price. But of course I charge everyone the same price. What has happened is that some of these small whole sellers offered the film to the women's sex shops below my list price. This is a confusing practice spreading rumours and suspicion. I don't know why they are selling the DVDs on for such low prices, often just earning 2 Euros per film (in contrast to the shop owners who are able to sell to retail). The only explanation that I have is that it's a clever way of getting new customers who will buy also other products from them.
I never had any idea how bad the competition between the small wholesellers is and my ears are burning from all the bad mouthing about the competing companies I was told. It is so hard to know who to trust and which comments to believe in. At the end of the day I just want my films to be in the shops so that the retail customers have a choice to buy "Feeling it!" or other porn.
I really wish I did not have to deal with distribution side of production and could just focus all my energy into my creativity. That is my strength and I feel if I am the one wheeling and dealing I get easily disillusioned which dampens my spirit of excitement and optimism for future film projects.
I am still waiting to hear from a big wholeseller to see if they will take on "Feeling it!". There was a meeting two weeks ago and now all I can do is wait. Please keep your fingers crossed for me as this deal could help to clear my loan for the last production. I need a big order to be able to continue on my path.
Easter Eggs and porn
Posted: 23 March 2008
Last night Violetta came over. We had an Easter roast and knocked back a bottle of red Russian Krim champagne. I am so blessed that most of the performers of my films have become such good friends that we regularly socialise.
Violetta and I were both very excited; just in time for a lovely Easter surprise a package had arrived from New York: Candida Royalle, a true pioneer of female friendly porn, sent us her latest films. We watched "Aphrodite Superstar" the first film of Candida's new line "Femme Chocolat" showing mainly gorgeous coloured men and women enjoying passionate sex.
We really like this film – the beautiful colours, funky editing and very erotic and beautifully shot sex scenes were a pleasure to watch and there were many moments where we did not just view the film with our professional, analytical eyes but got turned on as well. That usually means it's a great film! Thanks to Candida for having become such an interesting, entertaining and supportive pen-friend of mine, as well as being a supplier of exciting porn for women. More information on Candida: www.candidaroyalle.com
Violetta and I also had fun doing a photo shoot with burlesque portraits of her – just for a laugh. I love those free time creativity projects most as there are no outlines or deadlines. This way we often get the most creative results. The picture you can see here shows Violetta catching a rare ray of spring sunshine and wearing nothing but pearls and blossoms from my garden.
Sisterhood is powerful
Posted: 20 Mar 2008
Yesterday I had the pleasure to meet another female "pornographer" in Cologne's café Orlando, Nicole Rüdiger one of the editors of the "Jungsheft" – a magazine that shows ordinary guys nude and with hard ons. It is meant as porn for women as the editors Elke Kuhlen and Nicole Rüdiger realised a long time ago that there are hardly any naked, hot men for women to look at. The magazine was launched 2 years ago and is published twice a year. The editions of 2000 copies are sold out and have become a collector's item in Germany. The magazine is financed independently and the creation of it is a true labour of love with both editors being involved in all stages of the production. Nicole and Elke, just like me, had offers to sell out and trade money for freedom and creative control and I am pleased to announce that they stayed true to themselves and will remain independent. They have now also launched a booklet featuring girls for guys to look at and are going from strength to strength. We hope to be able to support each other – Nicole recommending guys who have previously modelled for their magazine and me supplying photos and possibly also writing a little bit about such taboo subjects as female to male anal penetration.
It was refreshing meeting 21 year old Nicole. It makes me happy to see that there are now many generations of female pornographers all over the world expressing women's sexual desires : American women like Annie Sprinkle and Candida Royalle and Maria Beatty who set out over a decade ago to visualize female sexual desires. And there is the new wave of European women like Natasha Meredith, Nicole Rüdiger and many more carrying the torch for female oriented porn. The best part of it is to meet and network via emails or over a glass of bubbly. We inspire each other and can support each other with difficult aspects of our work such as financing or distributing independent female designed porn. More information on the erotic cult magazines: www.jungsheft.de
Burst Bubbles
Posted: 04 March 2008
It has been 18 months since my last film came out so I am keen to provide more food for thought for the many women and men who enjoyed my first two films, but things are not looking good right now.
It is about now that my new film "Feeling it!" should be reviewed in trade magazines and it should also hit the shops. I should be in high spirits as this should a time of replenishing creatively and also financially. Having worked the past 6 months on this film I have only had expenses and no income whatsoever. My hope was to recover the substantial investment swiftly. I need to pay the bills and ultimately if there is a profit left, would like to invest in my next film which I can already see clearly in my imagination.
But this is not a good day. Today various wholesale buyers rejected my new film simply on the grounds that it is priced slightly higher than "Female Fantasies". "Feeling it!" is my longest film yet and the shoot and postproduction cost me an arm and a leg. We also produced a four page booklet to go with the film which was expensive to create. But these buyers do not seem to be interested. They currently sell my first two films for around 6 times as much as they buy them for. They want my new film but only if they get it for the same or a lower price than "Female Fantasies". Many wholesale buyers are not interested in the content or style of a new film but focus on the pricing alone. Even if the film is amazing, if the price is not right, they will not buy it. I know that there are a lot of people out there who would like to get their hands on my new film but they will struggle to find a shop that will stock it. This is so frustrating.
It's a catch 22. The porn industry insists that porn for women does not sell. But it does not sell simply because in most shops it is not even available for customers to choose. There is a self censorship in the porn industry and it is motivated by the blind desire to maximise profit. This is short-sighted and does not allow this industry to grow, expand and embrace new products and customers which ultimately could prove to be profitable. I know that whenever my films are on offer, they do sell. But to get them into the shops is such a struggle. What this means for me is that I have to get a day job for the at least the next 6 months or so before I even start thinking of shooting another film.
To top it all off, I also had a mail from a trade magazine that previously featured my work. I was hopeful that they would do a feature on "Feeling it!" because there is no erotic film like it on the market. The journalist loves my new film and wanted to review it as "tip of the month". But the editor told the journalist that my work will not be featured in the magazine anymore, unless I pay for an advertorial contract. Without buying the editorials, there will be no more write-ups of my work. I am gob-smacked.
I understand that a magazine finances itself with adverts and that the companies who pay for adverts are a priority for the features. However I did not realise that if an independant producer can not afford the advertising, they simply will not be featured. Maybe I am naïve I perceive it as the duty of journalists to inform the readers about new ideas – especially if they vary from the mainstream. How can the readers take a magazine seriously if all the reviews of films were bought and have nothing to do with the quality of the film? I am beginning to understand why the adult industry struggles to evolve. It is about profit rather than innovation. And that is very disheartening for someone trying to create something completely new even if it means losing money on it. Right now I am waiting for a miracle.
I am grateful to my loyal customers who have placed their orders and will be the first to sell the film: Lust und Liebe and Sexclusiviateten. I hope others will follow and realize: you pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
The time has come – the new film is finished at last !
Posted: 17 January 2008
I can't believe it but our third film is finally finished. After a 16 hour day in the edit suite yesterday, a night on the edit suites floor and another busy day today, here its is: "Feeling it!" - hot of the press. I am on the train back to Brighton right now with dark shadows under my eyes and an even bigger smile on my face. This film has been a long time coming and there were many set backs in the production. So now to be able to walk away from the edit suite with one DVD master - the result of 6 months work and 70 tapes of rushes is an exhilarating feeling.
My motto "Feeling it, not faking it!", is being embraced passionately by the authentic performers. The results are breathtaking (female) orgasms and a humane portrayal of human sensuality to inspire the viewers. The film breaks away from stereotypical and discriminative characterisation of people in many porn films - such as women being "dirty sluts" and black men being nothing more than a "cocks on legs". To me the performers are individuals with their unique, physical and emotional needs and desires, rather than well oiled "fuck machines" that go through the motions of porn.
I enjoy to challenge prejudices and stereotypes that we have about gender, race and sexuality. I believe in the equality of sexes and races and I strive to create what could be called "humanist" porn.
"Feeling it!" continues to cross over the boundaries between art and porn by featuring artistic sex scene with explicit content such as a body paint sequence and a girl on girl play scene where a lace pattern on the girls' bodies was created through shadows from a parasol. These kind of scenes are essential to my films. I love to shoot artistic scenes that feature sex but rather than showing all the explicit details brightly lit and (porno-) graphic, I choose to add layers through body paint or shadows. Rather than bombarding the image bank in the brain of the viewer with clear cut hard-core images that they have seen many times before, I enjoy to inspire the viewer's imagination with more creative imagery. It's about inspiration and titillation. That's the essence of erotica to me.
I now have to get the BBFC license and then hope the film will be out and available at the beginning of March. At sixty seven minutes this film is longer than my first two productions but just as varied as "Female Fantasies" whilst maintaining a strong focus on female pleasure. There are many exciting special features such as a "making-of" documentary, a 'porn parody' and an in-depth interview with me, explaining my vision of sensual porn. I want to take this opportunity to thank all the lovely people who helped making this movie. A special thank you to all the performers for placing their trust in me, going with the flow and 'feeling it'. This film looks good and feels right and I hope you will like it. More info on the film: http://www.feelingit.co.uk
Whilst the BBFC is licensing the film, I am off on a well earned break to sunny Mexico. I can't wait to walk barefoot on the warm sand and float in the emerald sea with no computer in sight – just for a few weeks of freedom and play...
Sisters are doing it !
Posted: 15 January 2008
It has been a wonderful few days: Yesterday I received an email from Annie Sprinkle with comments about our second movie, "Female Fantasies". The subject of the email was "Fabulous" which was a good start. She then told me that she thought the cats was fantastic and that we basically created a completely new erotic film genre. She said that that the film and the making off documentary "captured her heart and her pussy". There could not be a greater compliment than this from Annie whoa is an icon for sexual liberation, erotic performance art and tantric teachings. Thank you, Annie !
Today Spanish TV came around and interviewed Violetta and me on a feature on fantasies. The creative crew was a pleasure t work with. Their extremely talented camera woman had a field day in my re golden boudoir and set up beautiful shots using my mirrors. We really clicked and it is likely that she might join us and do the camera with me on our next film production.
I have been thinking quiet some time now about focusing more on directing rather than doing the main camera but found it difficult to find a suitable camera person who is talented in creating visual tableaux and sensitive towards the subject and gets on with the performers. I think I might have found the perfect person that has been missing in our crew and will be able to enrich our shoots. Sisters are doing it !
Bi Diamonds
Posted: 07 January 2008
First of all: happy new year to everyone! I have been busy catching up with boring bits as admin and accounting. What cheered me up today was receiving some inspirational "fan mail". J. and M. wrote to me:
Hi Petra,
Just to say that we really loved your recent DVD.... We are a bi and kinky couple and sadly we find so many sexy videos lacking in realism and they do little for us. But we loved yours a lot - it hit many inner chords. We think it is rare to find a work that is equivocal in its approach to bi men and women: thanks so much for that (means a lot, especially for J.)
At least it acknowledged that well known, but oft publicly denied, fact that most women love seeing men play....and we both loved the sensual shared kissing you show all round: that is something we have always really loved doing with people of either sex - before, during and after!
Guess 'Fantasies' will be essential viewing from now on for any shared evenings we have... :) Hope you follow the bisexual route in your future works,
Love from us to you
J. and M. xx
It was so nice to receive a letter like this. To be appreciated for creating porn that is radically different, exploring what is taboo in mainstream porn: sensuality, intimacy; men as objects of female desire and male bisexuality. I would love to feature more male bisexuality my only problem is to find the men who are comfortable being filmed living out their bisexual side. Somehow there is still a huge stigma attached to men being bi. A lot of bi guys told me that they would never want to be captured on film being bi as then they would be tagged as "gay". It is frustrating. Gorgeous bi men who would enjoy being filmed are like diamonds. If you know of any or are one yourself, please get in touch!
A fantastic Xmas and a sensual, exciting and magical 2008 !
Posted: 24 December 2007
For the first time in three months I feel that I am not moving at 200 m.p.h. anymore. It has been really nice to be based home rather than in a hotel room and take the time to log all the great footage we produced over the last year for the final edits of the new film in February. I have been logging but I have been living too. Enjoying the simple things like sitting in my hot tub in the morning looking out on a frosty lawn, cooking nice soups and roasts from scratch and crafting some scrap books as creative Christmas presents.
I love Christmas, a time of year when everything slows down. Hibernating even if it is just for a few days, spending time with my boyfriend without an endless steam of emails and calls coming in and looking ahead to the new year. Full of hope and joy.
I can't wait for the new film to come out in February – the results of many months of hard work. Of course I hope that the film will be a success and I might be able to produce another film in the new year. But as this has been such a hard and in many ways sad year with and some friends facing serious illnesses, and two people close to me dying, what I want more than anything is that in 2008 all of my family and friends will be healthy and well. And I wish that for you too. Health and happiness, sensual magic and joy far greater than you can imagine !
Thank you for supporting me and us. It is really appreciated.
With love
Petra X
"Cripples" at Christmas
Posted: 22 December 2007
There is a very cool guy who I admire: Mat Fraser, an actor and presenter and the compere of the annual "Night of The Senses". He is bright and funny and sexy and promotes tirelessly equal (sexual) rights for people with disabilities that he calls provocatively "cripples". Mat's physical development has been affected by Thalidomide. Hats of to Mat for portraying disabled people not as victims or charity cases but people with (sexual) needs and desires as anybody else. The adult industry can unfortunately be ageist, racist and discriminating disabled people.
Mat makes sure his voice is heard in the UK erotic and fetish scene as well as in the mainstream media. He co hosts the BBC website and pod cast for disabled people, called "Ouch!".
He has recorded a song for "cripples at Christmas" which is available as a free download. The lyrics are sharp and witty:
"But think of the normal ones
For they live amongst us, yeah.
Let's give them our charity at this time
Mustn't stare, show we care ..."
Matt needs downloads to prove his point that this should not be anymore a taboo subject and his recordings should be played on radio. This is where you can download it:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/ouch/xmas/cripples_at_christmas.shtml
More info on Mat: http://www.matfraser.co.uk
Its party time
Posted: 09 December 2007
Last night I went to a party for the first time in I don't know how many months. A real house party, not a trade show event. Somewhere to let my hair down without networking like crazy, signing DVDs with one hand and handing out casting flyers with the other. I love the whirlwind of the last few months Barcelona, Berlin, London – meeting hundreds of interesting people and establishing my films in the adult industry as an unusual but permanent fixture.
Last night was different. The theme was "exotic erotic". My fiend Dominique surely knows how to throw a party.
Coming into the main door you had to navigate through satin veils and the stepped into a red lit hall where you were welcomed with a hand made truffle.
Dom's lounge was just lit with candles and load of cushions covered the floor. Once I sat down and got comfortable, I didn't want to move anymore. I started chatting to lots of people about where we are at in our lives right now and how much we all crave the sun and freedom of travelling – stripped bare of all the pressures of being self employed. Time to just breathe and be. Time to really get to know other people and yourself. I miss travelling. But being at this part was like a mini trip to a Thai beach. I could just a bout imagine the orange moon rise and the black sea gently lapping underneath our feet.
It felt so good to just sit down and not rush around like a crazy woman and multi task but just being there with the feeling of happiness and pride of all the times my team and me managed to create in the last year.
I bumped into Suzanne Portnoy who has written "the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker" about her sexual adventures as a single highly sexed and adventurous woman living in London. Soon we forgot that we were not that that kind of party and chatted for hours about our favourite topic: sex. Which toys we like and why, what pushes our sensual buttons and what turns us off. The people around us catching tiny snippets of our conversations were taken aback: the guys jaws dropped and the girls shared in with giggles and saucy details of what makes them tick.
Even though I was really tired by 1.30 am I had a dance to some pumping house classics and it felt great to just move to the music. Don't think. Just dance. And smile.
Always read the manual
Posted: 09 December 2007
My boyfriend always insists to read the manual before you use a new electrical appliance. I am way too impatient to do that. I learn gadgets by trial and error. My approach might take longer but is not as boring as working your way through instructions that were clumsily translated from Japanese.
A few nights ago was had a play date with myself. I love to do these. Test drive some new toys in the privacy of my sumptuous red boudoir. I played with the small pink "Little Dolly" from Fun Factory. I bought it originally because I though it was the perfect travelling vibrator. Lightweight, silent and with its own striped aluminium case. I played with the speed dial bumping the speed up, up a little more until it felt MMMM really good. Then I pushed one more time and for a slip second it seemed to have stopped and I was gutted assuming the battery had run out just at this decisive moment. But then it started again: pulsing. On. Off. On. Off. And at first I was not sure if I liked it but then it gave me one of my best toygasms ever.
If I had read the manual I would have found out about this function ages ago but then again I love surprises.
We are the future!
Posted: 28 November 2007
I just got back from Erotica in London – the UK's busiest and biggest adult life style show. It has been an amazing experience and I am so glad that I was invited to take part giving my seminars "How to shoot your lover! Erotic film making for couples".
From the opening on Friday at noon until closing time Sunday at 8 pm the show was buzzing with people and a really happy, playful, sensual vibe. An unbelievable 100.000 people came through the doors of Olympia in three days. There were at least as many women as men visiting the show and loads of couples browsing. Somehow our tiny velvet clad booth became a magnet attracting literally thousands of people to stop by and chat about my concept of art-core porn.
It was such a pleasure and buzz to meet so many women and men who are hungry for erotic delicatessen such as my first film "Sexual Sushi". Most of the people who came to chat with us never liked or had enough of mainstream porn and were looking for something more creative, arty and sensual. Having only dealt with wholesale buyers in the past I am used to be told that my films are only for a insignificant niche market, difficult to promote and hard to sell. Erotica told a different story: the buyers wanted the films and they were chuffed to meet me and two of my most amazing performers who have worked with me from the start: Emilia Ren and Violetta Storm. I have never done so many signatures in my life like in the past three days: Emilia, Violetta and me seemed to constantly sign one of our DVD's and it was an honour to do this for so many nice people.
I have said for quiet some time now that the future of the adult industry will be to celebrate a return to sensuality, rather than just promoting hard and fast sex; to create erotic films that are upmarket artistic and creative rather than just showing assembly line fucking. The future buyers for adult products are liberated women and couples who had not enough choices of sensual toys and films in the past.
The women and couples who are ready to enjoy a new kind of porn are not a niche market – they are a force to be reckoned with and tired of being patronised by an male dominated industry that refuses to change and grow.
One afternoon we had an interesting visitor at our booth. A large lady wearing a bight pink T-shirt with the slogan "Jesus loves porn stars" – Violetta though it was a joke, but it wasn't. They were there to save the fallen girls who got into the porn industry and to rescue victims of porn addiction. The Jesus lady left soon enough when she realised her stereotypes of women being victims in the adult industry and all porn producers exploiting human beings did not fit our mission: we empower women who choose to be and see our films, have not made a profit with our films and generally encourage people not to just copy what they see in porn but to make their own and have sex in their unique individual ways. But she would not leave without firmly pressing a bible into Violetta's hand. She could not believe her eyes and nor could I when I went onto the company's website where they sell "online recovery courses" for porn victims at $180 a go.
Violetta decided (no surprises here) not to spend her hard earned cash on the recovery course but on three brand new pairs of high heeled shoes. She loved them so much that she broke them in at night when we were lying on our hotel beds trying to relax after 12 buzzing hours on the show. I invested into three new masks for my dressing up box and treated myself to an amazing black corset that is encrusted with crystals, created by the designer who did create the outfits for Moulin Rouge.
I am very happy right now. It has been a great few days that were worth all the time and energy we whole heartedly put into it.
After a long year of hard work with no (financial) profit so far, this was just what I needed – the feedback of the people who want sensual porn that they can enjoy together without being alienated by fakeness and extreme sexual stunts. The future of porn is in sensuality, art and creativeness. We are the future ! I would like this opportunity to thank everyone who came to my workshops and the booth to encourage me to keep up what I am doing ! Thank you for chatting to us, sharing your erotic ideas, come to be cast for a shoot and supporting us buy buying our films. Thank you to the Erotica organisers to put on such an amazing events with many new attractions such as the sumptuous VIP lounge, sexy men in hot tubs and a huge variety of seminars that enable people to explore their sexuality even further.
From Fantasy to reality
Posted: 18 November 2007
Yesterday I had the pleasure to do a privately commissioned photo shoot with a couple that have found me through watching "Female Fantasies". They love the movie and it continues to inspire their love life. I was glad to hear that the film especially turns her on – we aim to please! She very much liked Marc Cuirass in fishnet tights and a mini skirt – I agree hunky guys can look hot when they cross dress. I love capturing a couple's chemistry and got carried away shooting for hours to get many shots that they could never achieve using a self timer. It was so much fun to create many different looks together and make some of their fantasies come true. The husband J. whose birthday it was ended up dressed up in heels, stockings and a bowtie. These pictures are for their eyes only but they kindly agreed for me to show her gorgeous laced up bottom.
I was happy and excited to read the couples' entry into my guest book:
"Wow, it was as good as the fantasies we'd been having about the day. So looking forward to "Feeling it"! Great fun, intimacy and daring too. What an inspiration for more. Thank you for making a special day very, very special..."
Getting ready for Erotica
Posted: 16 November 2007
Next week around this time I will be at Erotica, giving my workshop "How to shoot your lover". I like to empower people to create their own erotic visuals rather than just to consume porn and copy what they see. I really look forward to the event. If you have time next weekend and feel like doing a workshop on erotic photography or filmmaking, come to Erotica at London Olympia and join in! The workshops are free (once you have paid your general admission) and I still have spaces for most sessions although Saturday is my busiest day so far. This is the first time I will not just visit a trade show to network but have my own little booth so it will be an interesting experience and a great opportunity to meet people. I have arranged to meet some people who recently filled in a casting questionnaire over a coffee – it is always exciting to meet potential new team members for the first time. At the moment I am flat out to organise all the logistics for the trip to London – there is a lot of stuff that needs to go up with me, so a man with a van is needed and loads of energy for another weekend of work but I am full of enthusiasm and know that with Violetta and Emilia there to support me we will have a great time.
Come and meet us to chat about the films or erotica for women: from the 23rd to the 25th November (Noon until 8pm) on our stand G20. I look forward to meeting you!
Shoot for the stars
Posted: 14 November 2007
It is a golden late autumn day and I am basking in the afterglow of an amazing shoot.
We filmed last weekend for four days and it went really well! My focus was on a multinational cast, genuine big female orgasms and to promote safe sex in an erotic way. And against all odds such as delayed planes, ill health and lost props – we did it!
The filming is all finished and now I have to view 30 hours of material that with the help of my skilled editor Seren Black and some magic will become my third erotic film. After the shoot I have a feeling that this new film will be truly inspirational to many people and liberate people's minds to a sensual play based on mutual respect and a shared sense of exploration. There was such a sense of freedom on the set – there was no room for censoring thoughts that so many of us still have occasionally in our mind when we make love.
The lead up to the shoot was stressful. This is the biggest production I have ever done: seven performers and five crew. Accommodation, locations, equipment, props had to be found, booked and bought and a film crew, runner and driver had to be organised. On the day before the shoot stated, after the third night without sleep and 5 hours of shopping for food and drinks for as all, my head was spinning. Because my brain was full with a million things, my short term memory went of the window. I managed to lock myself out of my flat and had to call a locksmith to get back in. By the time I got into my home to pack all the outfits and props for the big shoot, I was a nervous wreck.
I had planned the shoot so that we all could have dinner on Friday night, the evening before the shoot but as back luck had it there were train delays and the poor girls that flew in from Berlin arrived with a six hour delay at 2 am. It was such a shame that we did not have a relaxed evening of valuable down time before we all took off the next day.
But somehow the whole team still gelled by the time we stated shooting on Saturday afternoon. It was a huge experiment to have 8 people living and playing together under one roof with the cameras rolling. Everybody did extremely well and that has been so far the most blissful experience of this new production: the feeling of family, the spirit of us all wanting to be there, not for the money (what money?) but the love of it. Doing something about which we all feel it is new, different, refreshing a creative and emotional challenge. Mia, one of the performers told me that she thinks I am doing a mini revolution in the porn industry and she wanted to be part of it. What a lovely and encouraging compliment. We all shared the revolutionary spirit - every single person involved rose to the challenge and worked their buts off whilst enjoying themselves big time. I was the queen bee, responsible for even the tiniest decision but supported by a great team that voiced many ideas and most importantly allowed themselves to let go and experience ecstasy without shame or fear or guilt. It was a pleasure to capture three huge female orgasms on camera.
I have been thinking for a while now about a title for the new film and I think it will be "Feeling it!" because the performers did allow themselves to let go and genuinely feel it and there was no faking it involved true to my motto; "Feeling it, not faking it!"
I am grateful for such a great shoot even though I am slightly worried about my finances. The various necessary bills for the weekend alone came to three and a half thousand and of course that is money I handed out. I have had no money coming in for a while now as I am focusing on this film and as it is my project for now it is me paying rather than being paid. I just have to hold my breath a little bit longer to pay for the edit, music rights, licensing and duplication and then eventually hopefully people will buy the film and I will be able to balance the red with some black figures.
I want to take this opportunity to thank again the people who supported me: the amazing performers (you will see and hear more from them), the technical team and the companies who generously donated special toys for us to play with: N-joy, P-vibe and Fun Factory. And of course a big thank you to my partner for supporting me even when I am stressed and a right bitch and for putting up with the fact that we never ever have weekends off but always seem to work. There is a saying that behind every strong man is a strong woman. How lucky am I to have a strong man behind me?!
Autumn Goddess
Posted: 29 November 2007
Our last day in Berlin was jam packed – I was hoping to go to the sauna and take in some touristy sights of Berlin but there was no time. Violetta, Mia and I were interviewed for RTL-Plus where a feature on porn for women will be shown in the programme EXTRA on the 5th November. Whilst we were being filmed having a walk in the park Violetta and I decided spontaneously to do a quickie photo shoot. It was a golden autumn day and the falling leaves were the best outfit for Violetta. She took her kit off and danced in the leaves, and in only ten minutes we managed to get some amazing shots. The TV crew were more baffled than the park walkers! I don't know why nudity is still such a big issue. Nudity in nature just feels natural and right. Being free and real barefoot on the ground the body being warmed from the sun... I love documenting magic moments like this.
Amazon Cruising
Posted: 28 October 2007
Today we did a photo shoot at the Tiergarten which is a huge Park in Berlin and a famous gay cruising ground. Thanks to Laura and her posse bi and lesbian women cruise here as well once a month on a Wednesday after sunset under the Amazon statue. It did not take long before the clothes came off and the girls got playful even though it was a cold autumn eve. We had a lot of fun during the shoot and surprisingly even the nuns walking past did not seem to mind our antics. I think that if we had done that shoot at Hyde park we would have been arrested. All power to Laura to arrange another opportunity for women to be independent and take the freedom to go and cruise if they feel like a quickie in the park with another Amazon.
After the shoot in the Tiergarten, I did some portraits of Laura at home featuring the amazing satin velvet pussy sculptures that a fellow erotic artist created for Laura's shop. I will interview Laura for FORUM so that she can talk about her life-long mission to liberate women sexually to an UK audience.
In the evening we went to a screening of Female Fantasies in the Kant cinema. It was a special night that I will never forget. It was the final screening of the festival and I thank the organisers of the porn film fest for giving me and us this honour. It was such a buzz to watch the cinema fill up on a Sunday eve and then view our film on the big screen! I had not seen it in a while and many of the scenes brought a smile to my face. There was such a happy vibe with lots of laughter and applause from the audience. I would like to thank everyone who came and made this such a special screening for us. Your interest and support means more to us than big fat pay cheques and awards (although it would be nice to get both of these too!). After the screening Mia and I went to the closing party which was suitably alternative-arty in the LUX Club in Berlin. I wish I could have stayed and danced all night but I had to get up early for the filming with RTL. So I decided to be grown up and get home by 4 a.m., leaving (unfortunately) just as it got interesting and various stark naked hunky men got onto the dance floor.
The "she-pornographers" agree to disagree
Posted: 27 October 2007
It was a particularly exciting day for us as before the panel discussion Marita Neher premiered her documentary "The She Pornographers" that shows us and many other female erotic artists at work. The documentary was followed by two clips of my new film, now titled "ART-core", and it was exciting to show those two finished vignettes to the audience. The screenings were followed by the big panel discussion on "porn for women". In front of a sold out cinema seven female porn film makers (Jessica Grenier, Erika Lust, Julia Ostertag, Ovidie, Audacia Ray, and myself) discussed their vision of porn. We are all from different backgrounds, some of us working independently, others being employed by big companies. I felt closest to the ideas of Jessica who produ